Chase Unveiled
Continuing in the self-indulgent direction that I've paved for myself, I've decided to provide you with some of my beliefs on the topics that interest you. Below you will find the following subjects examined: Relationships, Animal Testing, Vegetarianism, and Starbucks. If you have any feedback and opinions, I'd love to hear from ya. Unless, of course, you thought Independence Day was worth paying for.
ANIMAL TESTING
I know a lot of you are going to hate me for saying this, but I'm all for animal testing. I remember taking the S.A.T.'s back in high school, and being cramped at a small desk and having the clock tick away while being forced to choose A, B, or C. I didn't like it, but I had to do it. That's why I feel animals should have to do it too. I know it might sound "funny" putting cats and dogs behind desks, but the tests would be tailored toward each particular species to avoid any legal repercussions.
VEGETARIANISM
I'm what you would call a vegetarian, but I label myself a nonmeateater. The difference is that although I don't eat any form of meat (yes, that includes chickens), I'm not a big fan of vegetables either. For health reasons I do find ways of integrating the necessary nutritional supplements into my diet, but I'm a far cry from being a "health freak." Why don't I eat meat? I don't like the taste, in addition to the fact that we don't need to waste so much farm land feeding animals, and the cruelty involved in factory farming, i.e. cramping together a bunch of animals and bloating them up in inhumane conditions, really turns me off (not that roaming buffalos turn me on, but you get the point). If you're going to continue to consume flesh, at least go after the ugly animals first. Do I wear leather? Yes, my Doc Martins are probably made from some cow cadaver. Isn't that hypocritical, you ask? Yes, but I believe that everyone has a little hypocrisy in their lives. The key is selecting which hypocrisies you can live with. I can live with my leather boots because they're a lot more utilitarian than a Big Mac.
RELATIONSHIPS
The following is my checklist for a successful relationship. Most of the advice is geared toward women, but sometimes I alternate the gender focus. Fortunately, I believe this is practical for everybody:
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Clarity: Have it stated in the beginning that if the relationship isn't working out, you want to know immediately. There's nothing worse than hearing a partner state that he felt the relationship was over three months ago but he was waiting to see what would happen. That's three months taken out of your life that could have been invested in something meaningful.
- Balance: Never put more into a relationship than you receive. This doesn't mean that a relationship shouldn't grow. Conversely, you should evolve together. Combining someone who loves too much with someone who doesn't love at all will inevitably lead to overwhelming frustration.
- Gamesmanship: All games have a winner and a loser, so it's best to avoid them. For example, I have a friend who's afraid to call this guy she likes because she doesn't want to seem obsessive. If her game works, she'll convince him and they'll go out and have some great dates. However, if they "get serious," she is the loser because eventually her true self will surface and have serious ramifications. If he had known her tendency to "smother" earlier, he might not have taken things to that other level. Maybe your real nature might not be the ideal hook, but it's who you are and that's what you should be loved for.
- Guilt: While this is a very dangerous tool, it is also easy to disarm. If your partner starts getting pathetic in order to make you love him more, simply state that " insecurity is a real turnoff ." How can he manipulate your feelings if he thinks he's doing more harm than good. While abusive relationships are commonly associated with physical violence and threats, guilt is also a related weapon.
- Awkwardness: It's true that you never get a second chance at a first impression, but you can have a first chance at making a second impression.
- Communication: When you wish to express an opinion, don't be antagonistic about it to the point that anyone with a view other than your own would feel intimidated to speak up. Assaulting opinions will either cause your partner to repress his views or he'll retort in an equally vehement fashion resulting in an argument. Arguing does not make for a healthy relationship -- disagreement and discussion is a more favorable route. It's easy to intimidate people into silence or consent, but neither of these are conducive to a healthy line of communication. Besides, repressed rage will resurface in passive aggressive acts like "accidentally" taping "Friends" over his "Seinfield" tape.
- Adultery (this is aimed primarily at guys, because we're a fickle lot): If you're contemplating an affair, ask yourself if sex with this third party is worth your current relationship. If it is, then break up. If it isn't, then alter your scandalous intentions. You can't have both forever. Even if you manage to keep the charade going for three years, eventually it's going to surface and you'll lose. Your partner will hate you and your mistress will never trust you enough for a real commitment because she's witnessed your infidelity. Never give up the person you love for someone who's different. If that someone is also better, then maybe you should take another look at your relationship prerequisites before you commit yourself to another.
- Open Your Eyes As Well As Your Heart: Unfortunately, love is not only blind, but deaf too. When you explain to casual dates the qualities you dislike or commitments you don't want, these dates will often think they're the exception to the rule. As a result, you can't base the direction of your relationship solely on what you've discussed -- you must also ascertain whether or not she applied your rhetoric to herself based on her attitude. In other words, just because you said you didn't want to be in a serious relationship, it doesn't mean that you're not in one (this is known as a common law relationship). Regardless of your partner's insistence that everything's "casual," you still need to use your instinct to see if your fling has metamorphosed into a "casual-ty." Oh yeah, and if you're dating, but not using words like boyfriend and girlfriend, this isn't a get out of jail free card to screw around with other people. Even if you're not taking a relationship seriously, don't assume your partner feels the same way.
- Healing: After the death of a relationship, you need to exorcize any ghosts that may haunt you. If these pesky poltergeists aren't eliminated, your heart will never be at peace. Rebounding IS NOT a mandatory reaction to rejection. Once you've been tossed out of the proverbial moving car, take some time to let those wounds heal. You can't let your heart be dictated by the actions of others; if your only happiness revolves around being in a relationship, you're going to have plenty of miserable days during the downtime.
- Divide and Conquer Does Not Always Work: Never try to excommunicate your partner's best friends. Just because you're now the most important person in her life, it doesn't mean that everyone else should evacuate her emotional premises. Friends exist for a reason and it isn't being a place holder waiting for you to arrive. Everyone needs to have more than one outlet for their verbal diary. If both parties are secure with each other, then a friend shouldn't pose a threat. As long as you're candid about your activities, no one should get hurt. For example, if you go dancing without your partner, and she asks where you went, tell her. Don't lie, because when the truth comes out, it'll seem as if you had a deviant reason for concealing it. This doesn't mean you should give exhilarated speeches about your excellent adventures, just don't be overly secretive about it.
- Boy's/Girl's Night Out: If your partner doesn't accept your social outings, there are two approaches that might smooth things out. The first is to invite them along, but don't do it in a discouraging tone! This is worse than verbal rejection because it's patronizing, insulting and obvious! The other option is to clarify your life-style before you make a strong commitment. Let your partner know that although s/he is number one in your life, your friends still rank number two as opposed to being knocked off the chart. To put this into perspective, ask your partner how they'd feel if their best friend ditched them for every new relationship that came along. If you hang out with your friends more than your partner, then there's another thing to consider. Your partner should - above all other things - be considered a friend as well as a lover. If they don't warrant as much attention as your other friends, then maybe they're serving a more utilitarian purpose. Which isn't a bad thing...for you.
- Space: Without room to breathe, everyone suffocates, especially in a relationship. Keep this in mind when you decide to move in with your partner. The ideal living situation is a two bedroom environment so both of you have a place to retreat to in order to read a book, listen to music, or ponder why you're living with an insensitive jerk.
- Reality: Nobody takes advice until they've made the mistakes themselves, and then it's obviously too late.
- Advice: A difficult aspect about giving advice is that when we talk about how we'd handle a situation, it doesn't mean that someone else has the same capacity to pull it off. For example, when you take a self-defence class, it usually takes awhile before blocking a punch (or delivering one) becomes second nature. This acquired skill also applies to effective actions and reactions involving advice. If you're the one who is always asking for advice, but either dismissing or misapplying it, then you need to be cured. Ask yourself how you got into these situations and become more adamant about strengthening your weak links. For example, if you're always in bad relationships, first you've got to be strong enough to survive on your own and then you need to change your hunting grounds. For example, if you expect something meaningful to result from a guy you meet at a club, you're deluding yourself girlfriend. Because a majority of clubs are meat markets, most of the guys who show up are just looking for a one night flesh mattress.
- Secrets: The only secret ever kept is one that's kept to yourself. Why? Because a secret is the greatest form of intangible power. By brandishing knowledge of a secret in front of interested parties, you enslave the attention that you normally might not be given. The only problem is that the secret must be revealed or the power you have flaunted will turn against you. Your attentive audience will feel betrayed by being lead on with no reward. karmatic theory dictates that any secret wrapped up inside of you will eventually unfold, with time strengthening its power, not diluting it. For example, discovering that your lover of five years cheated on you three years ago makes your last three years time spent with a slug...or low quality time. Whatever repercussions he dreaded then are now coupled with three extra years of stronger animosity. You can't tell a secret to someone who's in a relationship and expect them to not tell their significant other. Very few external secrets, i.e. secrets not involving the immediate party, last long in a bed occupied by more than one person. One of the toughest situations is holding a friend's secret that relates to another friend, especially if its revelation is painful. In order to avoid incurring the rage of either party, tell the person who holds the secret to confront your other friend and spill his guts...or you will. This way, you'll come out the hero instead of the enemy.
- Fresh Start: New romances can be a beautiful thing; The sex is good, the attention is godlike, and he's on his best behavior. Three years down the road, of course, you'll be begging for a kiss, he'll be paying more attention to the television, and his behavior will have reverted back to his bachelor days of farting, scratching, and the cleaning habits of a comatose hobo. Okay, maybe this only represents the majority of men, and not those sweet, sensitive types who know how to cook, but the following advice is still applicable:
- Never lend cassettes, clothes or appliances to any new relationship. If he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, you have to deal with the uncomfortable task of reclaiming your goods after you've been messed over. Because women are inundated with so many jerks, they often settle for the best piece of rotten vegetation they can find, rather than searching for Mr. Pretty Good. Good guys do exist, but like En Vogue says, " they're hard to find ."
- Never get involved with a guy whose in a relationship, even if it's on rough terrain. It's because his relationship is bad that he needs a diversion to escape. You'll be his rebound queen for a day, but gauging from his scandalous nature, you'll eventually be dethroned. If a guy says he'll change (yeah, right), make sure that he's changing not only because of how you perceive him, but also because of how he perceives himself.
- Never assume that because your new boyfriend has altered some traits you don't like, that they won't resurface once you get more attached and comfortable around him. The negative qualities that require simple shifts in etiquette, such as picking up clothes, doing dishes, or smoking on the balcony, are easy rules to enforce on a long term scale, but inherently bad qualities, like being mean spirited, abusive, racist, argumentative, or just plain inconsiderate, require more than a temporary coat of verbal paint. Sadly enough, most people who have the aforementioned traits only suppress instead of eradicate them when it comes to winning the heart of the woman they want to control and dominate, i.e. love. Why do you think so many women stick with guys who beat them? " I'm sorry hon, I'll never do it again. I mean it. Why don't we watch Mad About you together? " They buy it every time. One of the best ways to understand a guy is to observe how he treats other people, like waiters, homeless folks, and children. If he reveals a mean streak toward any of these people, it will eventually be sublimated in how he treats you. It all boils down to respect and understanding. If he can't empathize with the plight of a waiter who makes some innocent mistakes, or understand that most homeless people have psychological problems, but because they had no money, they were booted from medical facilities, and that children enter this world with a certain amount of innocence and naivete, then this bonehead is lacking in human compassion and understanding. Of course, if he's really good looking, then none of this matters. At least that's how a lot of people justify it to themselves.
- Conclusion: If your girl- or boyfriend is really, really cute, then disregard all of this advice.